Sunday, March 4, 2012

A Rose By Any Other Name

It is funny how sometimes what you are saying really means something else. "I love you" is said so many ways other then using those exact words. Ask any man what "fine" means in an argument with his wife. No scratch that, ask any woman what "fine" means when she says it to her husband! There seem to be a few men who still don't seem to get it. Any parent knows "You sleep in. I'll get up and look after the kids" means "I love you more then anything. Thanks for everything you do for our family".
My family is not the sort of family that celebrates anniversaries. I don't know why not. (Although I am sure you have worked out by my love of celebrations I am not one of these people!). We are also the sort of people who believe in "moving" birthdays to the most convenient weekend rather then doing anything on the actual day. Well, except for saying Happy Birthday and presents and cake. But "house family" stuff, not proper family stuff. My Dad forgot it was his birthday one year! Sometimes I wonder if I really am related to these people.

Despite this, for the last twelve years I have not ever forgotten to text my mum and wish her a happy anniversary. Not really because it is her wedding anniversary (Although clearly I mean the sentiment!) But it is the message to her that I haven't forgotten another anniversary.

Thirteen years ago today my little brother died. Unexpectedly. The day after my parents' 20th wedding anniversary. Ironically, it was the first time they were planning on celebrating it. "Happy Anniversary" really means "I haven't forgotten" it means "I am still hurting too" it means "I am thinking of you and I am thinking of all of us and we won't forget". Thirteen years later it is still too hard to find the words to start that conversation. Not that we don't talk about him. We talk about him all the time. We celebrate his life. He has four sisters who remember him and two sisters and hoards of nieces and a nephew or two who don't, but know lots of the stories. It doesn't change the fact it is still hard. The pain may soften, but it is still there.



Today Mum asked if the flowers are the cemetery were from me. They were. I went yesterday. Aimee is now fairly certain we should leave Hawaiian leis after seeing some on some of the other graves. I admit I always pick the flowers carefully because I don't want to get something too girly. Mum thought the leis were a nice idea. I think because it was Aimee's! She may have thought it was a little odd if it was from me. But we might do it for his birthday in a few weeks. It will save me the flower issue.




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